Essentials of Negotiation

“Good” vs. “Poor” Negotiators (actions, attitudes, approaches)

Everyone can learn the skills of a good negotiator but they have to be able to apply them to real-life negotiations under different circumstances. A good negotiator is someone who maintains their composure even in the most heated argument, so he can stay sharp and exercise his skills. He has an open mindset to new possibilities and a cooperative attitude, looking to dig deeper to get the best results possible. It is often to our advantage when we have a good relationship with the other party, which usually requires a certain amount of information skillfully exchanged. Thus, he is well aware of which information to give away about preferences and priorities, and which to keep as secrets when approaching a negotiation. We all expect equality when it comes to “give-and-take”, thus a good negotiator knows how to give professionally so he can develop reciprocity and trust to get back useful information. Trust can only be built with clear and accurate communication. An important action that could help a bad negotiator becomes a better one is preparation. Knowing his reservation price, BATNA, and having estimations of those of the other party will give him so much more power to negotiate for better results. He would know exactly when to walk away. Without the preparation we, as human, are subject to many biases that do us more wrong than right (for example, escalation of commitment). A good negotiator will never settle for a deal that could be done better without hurting the outcome of one party. He attempts to understand the other party’s needs, so he can direct the focus of the negotiation on those concerns to further improve both parties’ welfare. Being able to generate accurate predictions about the other’s potential reactions or behaviors is advantageous, as it allows him to better prepare other proposals in advance. As people tend to make mistakes when they have to calculate options on the spot and under time pressure, with this approach he could also avoid leaving available value unclaimed.

My past approach to negotiating

It is my personality that I am not a big fan of conflicts. In many low-stake arguments I tend to think “it’s not worth it” to fight for things and be mean. It is somewhat important to me that I save face and come out as being civilized and well-liked. Thus, I give in when I can. When the situation gets worse than my expectations or when my proposal is rejected, I get frustrated and walk away. Leaving the negotiation unfinished or settling for deals that are worse than what I currently have bothers me, but when my pride kicks in I want to rid of the stress by leaving. Even though I am aware that if I push it a bit harder, the outcome could totally be better. I dislike the risk because I am afraid the relationship with my opponent may get damaged.