Love Story

Have you ever get a weird crush on someone that’s not even attractive but you’re just attracted to that person and you don’t know why? Well that’s what happened to me. This is another one of those love stories. See now a days everything happens through social media. Meeting people, getting into relationships, break ups… everything. See I live in a world where there are kings and queens everywhere. Why? Because I am a Queen and that is what I am surrounded by. Other kings and queens are my brothers and sisters. But in this realm you must always remember not every brother is your brother and not every sister is your sister and trust no one. But in this case I let my guard down for someone who I just wanted to be friends with. This person and I started talking as just brother and sister through social media and soon this person asked for me visit him at work. So I did and I could tell from the moment I walked through the door this person was going to fall in love with me. Did I want that to happen? Of course not I had too much on my plate already. I just recently got out of a relationship, just started school, I was actually ready to just do me and take care of myself. The smile that was on his face made me feel strangely uncomfortable. I was trying to figure out was it because I knew what was going to happen or maybe it was a guilty conscious. I stood at his job until closing time. While I was there his brother which is technically speaking is our brother came to his job. We had fun making jokes annoying each other and so on. Now it was time for everyone to go home so they walked me to the train I saluted the other brother that was there and turned to salute Him he stared into my eyes as if he was trying to read my soul. I kind of felt dazed or paralyzed but quickly snapped out of it. Now let us fast forward. The flirting had begun and I went along with it in denial the entire time. Knowing that I didn’t want to be with anyone and yet like a stupid little girl continued flirting. He came to visit me at my school and yeup we kissed. We kissed a few times actually. I felt bad because for some reason I felt as though I was doing something wrong. But I felt like who cares I felt rebellious. You see as many times as I told Him that I didn’t want to be with anyone we ended up just being a low key “thing”. So I just let it be and of course still in denial I thought we’re not gonna last anyways so fuck it. I slept over his house for the first time and I felt safe and as if no one in the world could hurt me like he was my protector like he would never do anything to hurt me. We were getting along great and then came my crash of depression and anxiety and bi polar schizophrenia. Everything came crashing down. All I wanted was to be alone and he would give me anything in the world but he couldn’t give me that. No matter how hard I cried he just wouldn’t leave me alone and it just made me push away more, because I know that no matter what he will never understand what it’s like to feel like your world is crashing down. Because not only am I sick mentally I sick eternally due to my mother being a drug addict whore while she was pregnant with me, from my mother abusing me and neglecting me but no one will ever understand the fact that I went thru hell and I am so young. From being abused by my mother in every way possible to getting shipped away to another state and getting raped not only once but twice at the age of 12 and 14 and no one was there for me so I had a breakdown a lost my sanity I beat my step mother into a coma all for what? To get sent right back to the abusive mother. He will never understand because I have taught myself to be emotionless, to not share my pass so that I won’t be judge. He will never understand because I won’t let him. He has his own issues don’t give him yours too I tell myself. Just let him go I deserve to be alone. I don’t deserve happiness. He will never understand. This is where the heart breaks and headaches begin because no matter what I say to him he will never understand and he will never leave. Unfortunately, now we have our own problem. I am with child and I am losing the child to yet another miscarriage. All he ever told me to do was stop thinking negative. But how do you do that when you know what is going to happen. To make matters worse this one that I love –Him- I got what I wanted he’s gone but not gone to where I want him to be gone to jail where I can’t speak to him every day whenever I want where I can’t see him whenever I want. Now that he’s gone my sickness is worst I haven’t eaten I can’t sleep I am so much more depressed than I have ever been and little does he know how I am going to lose my mind I could care less about these girls that he was talking to when I broke up with him because I know that I am going to be by his side I am his and he is mine whether we are together as a couple or together as friends or not together at all that’s just the way we are going to be I know this because we are too much alike. This is my love story. This is my heart break. This is history repeating itself…..