The Misunderstanding

Kylie Sanderson

Dr. Lehner

ENG 111

4/15/15

The Misunderstanding

        Close your eyes, and imagine a world that holds no laughter and seemingly an inevitable darkness that never leaves.  You go to bed tired and wake up exhausted, hair that hasn’t seen a comb in months gets a careless rake-though with tense fingers. You’ve thrown a sweater over your tank top in order to make your pajama bottoms seem a little more sophisticated, but really you could care less. You mindlessly amble your way to the kitchen and make a modest breakfast of toast and cold oatmeal you cooked a week ago, with the thought that at least it’s not moldy yet. The doorbell rings and you’re required to open the door for family.  They have a child that runs about wildly and you offer no apology as to why your house and self are a mess.  As the child shrieks with glee, being flown about like superman you become disgruntled and agitated.  Why does happiness hang like sunshine around others, yet avoids you like the plague?  Is there something wrong with you? Open your eyes for me now.  What a horrible world right? It seems soul draining and terrifying to myself, but made that’s because I live it.  Day after day in a gray trodden world, with sightless eyes and deaf ears, I tread.  What I’m talking about of course is called depression and it’s a disease no one can see, but demands attention. 

        There is this common misconception that if we can’t see it, then it couldn’t possibly be there.  Well I’m here to tell you differently, depression is not only there, but the pain it causes is very real.  Depression is sickness and pain.  Feeling rundown is so common you feel pathetic, and you wonder if that heavy box you have to lift will break your arms, in a way you feel like it does.  Fevers and sniffles and running on no sleep.  Your bed is your best friend, never mind the fact that you can’t sleep more than an hour at a time and you’re constantly exhausted.  That glorious wonderful thing gives you comfort and warmth and the closest thing to peace and happiness you can think of, sometimes. When you can’t sleep you feel like crap, right?  Imagine that feeling of a pathetic night’s sleep every day, as you drag yourself out of bed and throw yourself through a shower haphazardly putting on random clothes, you have two different shoes on and at first they were two lefts.  Sleep lost is your enemy, the one you wish to smite down with a sword.  Without sleep you not only become a raving lunatic but a mind without a filter.  Hardly thought out sentences come flying out, insulting everyone you come across.        Depression is melancholy. Sadness is a necessary emotion of life; it’s healthy and it goes away.  Instead of being sad you are overly devastated, constantly. You cry when you notice your favorite pair of socks has a hole.  Why?  You don’t know honestly you don’t, but it’s so hard to deal with.  You wrap up in a blanket because you’re alone and putting on clothes just seems out of the question at the moment.  It’s seeing your relatives and thinking Oh you guys again, how fun, note the sarcasm.  Horrible right, not even caring about family, but if you can’t care about you how do you care about someone else.  Sometimes screaming, “SERIOUSLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!” doesn’t quite cut it.