Silence

Silence

Chichi_Louise

“When I wanted to say a thousand words, wanted to shout thousand thoughts, and wanted to shed a liter of tears, I always choose to be silent.

I woke up early in the morning not because of the sun rays that beams on my face through the window beside my bed, since the sun hasn't arisen yet and there's no window beside my bed. I woke up for the reason that mom was shouting, “Wake up! It's already six o'clock in the morning, kids! You're gonna be late for school.”

        I forced to open my eyes even it feels like it's heavier than a sack of rice or a gallon of water. I searched for my phone under my pillow, and when I finally touched it, I grabbed it and take a peek at the time. As expected, it's just 5:30 in the morning. Mom was always like that, a clock which is always thirty minutes ahead.

        Slowly, I pulled myself up, get out of the bed and do my daily routine. I took a bath, brushed my teeth, get dressed, and ate breakfast which was prepared by Mom.

        After finishing my breakfast, I took my school bag and placed it on my back. “Let's go, Mom! I'm gonna be late!” I called as she prepares my sister's snack for school. It's already 6:30 and my class starts at seven. Luckily, my school is a 15 minute ride from home.

        In addition to my daily routine, Mom always walks me to the bus terminal. Nope, she's not the one who insisted it. I did. We are not in very good terms, our relationship as mother-and-daughter is, I think, the only reason why we are together, but I just wanted a companion on that five minutes walk. Her presence makes me more serene even though we're not usually talking.

        But that day was different. She broke the silence that bonds us. The silence that made me feel secure and protected. The silence which gives me comfort in an awkward situation. Silence that held my heart so it wouldn't break into pieces.

        “What would you do without me, Honey? When I will not be able to wake you up early in the morning sou you'll not be late for school and prepare your breakfast? When I will not be able to walk you to the terminal?” I just shrugged and didn't bother to look at her despite of the pain that is starting to grow in my chest. I know she's just in her drama mode again. I'm sick of it. I hate it.

        “You see, I took an interview yesterday and if I passed I'll have to work abroad.” Still, I did not respond. I was shocked. The pain in my chest grew bigger, almost covering my heart and lungs, causing me to stop breathing. I was disappointed. I told her not to attend those interviews... now why?

        She slipped her hand on mine and I almost froze. I wanted to take my hands off her. I don't want to touch her. I hate her that I want to push her away to stop myself hating her, to keep myself away from the pain she does to me.