I’m a Survivor

I’m A Survivor

I’m 18 years old, attending college, running in the park without a care in the world and thinking I have the rest of my life ahead of me. Running is such a freeing experience, don’t you think? You feel your blood pumping, your adrenaline rushing making you feel alive. I hear dogs barking, smell the fresh cut grass and feel the amazing sunshine tanning my face as the scent of the roses fill my nose. I’m very competitive in life and never satisfied with being average so I run faster and harder as I push myself to be better. Everything seems so normal right now with me worrying about trivial things like being able to compete and run faster than my competitors. I did not realize just how much my life was about to change in 15 minutes.

I hadn’t been feeling like myself for some time and blew it off, since that’s what I do. Sickness is for the weak ones and that’s how I had always lived my life. But I had been ill with the flu that I couldn’t shake for almost a month and it was starting to concern me. I was weak all the time, couldn’t seem to keep anything down and stayed nauseous; which brings me to where my memoir starts.

It feels very surreal. What is she saying!? This can’t be true! The doctor has to have wrong information or looked at someone else’s chart. I can’t be pregnant! This isn’t supposed to happen. I have my life all planned out. Finally, MY life was about to be about me and not taking care of everyone else.

Now with the shock wearing off, it feels more real and the terror of the situation I find myself in starts kicking in. I’m mostly ok with the fact that my life is no longer going to be mine. What terrifies me is the responsibility of a little person. Why in the world would God give me such an important job? I had grown up with a huge respect and fear for the Lord and knew that he only put on our shoulders what we were capable of handling. Somehow He felt I was right for this job? So, I put all of my worries into His hands because He knew best.

My pregnancy was relatively normal the first six months unless you count the vomiting, as I had morning sickness day and night. Sheesh! I attended all my required doctor appointments religiously, the baby was developing normally and I had no complications. Until my sixth month appointment. They did an exam and stated they found something. Found something? What does that mean? They said they found a spot on my cervix that concerned them and they wanted to be overly cautious since cancer is very prominent in my family. They assured me there was no need to worry but they wanted to run more tests. So a few LONG weeks later, the results came back. I had the unspeakable living within me. I had the illness that makes people uncomfortable around you, stop talking and look away not giving you eye contact. I had the dreaded illness that makes people pity you; I