Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

        Final Essay: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

Joshua Hallett

Mount Saint Vincent University

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

The book “Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples” is written by Dr. Harville Hendrix, a professional relationship counsellor and therapist, with assistance from his wife Dr. Helen Hunt, who is also a counsellor. As stated earlier, the author’s credentials as an expert in the field of interpersonal communication within relationships include a PhD in psychology, numerous years of applied counselling experience related to relationships, and having published several other books on the topic. The books title directly relates to the subject of the book, which is having the kind of relationships with a significant other you would like to have, and how to turn the relationship you to have into one you would be happier in if you are not happy.  

The book’s content provides a number of chapters that provide information on the reasons the author thinks relationships fail and his theories on the reasons, both biologically and psychologically people choose to have a relationship with the people they do. A number of chapters in the book use direct examples from the couples and individual patients the author works with to demonstrate his theories directly in action. The author’s main theory on the way an individual chooses their mate involves relating the potential mate to a shortcoming or another area of discomfort that was experienced during the early developmental stages of one’s life. A person is likely to pick a potential mate based on positive and negative traits exhibited by the person’s primary caregiver, as they seek to relive those feelings again. An example of this would be if a person’s primary caregiver was overly critical and harsh on them, they are more likely to subconsciously choose a mate that is also critical and harsh, whether or not they even mean to, as a way for them to relive those experiences and attempt to correct or perfect them. He also suggests that people choose mates that have qualities that they themselves do not, and seek to use them to develop those qualities.

The author recommends that couples should maintain constant and open communication with one another regarding their thoughts and feelings. He feels that many problems that arise in relationships are not openly discussed and solved, which leads to those problems being built up until they surface into an argument and they are much larger than they should have been and would have been if they had been worked on as they arose. He also recommends that each member of a couple should look within themselves to solve their own problems before bringing them to the attention of the other person, as this allows the problems a chance to be managed constructively be the individual.