Secrets and Denial

‘Secrets and Denial'

December 12th 1982 - Leeds

It was early in the morning around 7am when I heard my phone rang. I stretched out of my bed to reach the phone but the caller ID wasn't showing on the screen. I always hate answering anonymous calls so I let it go on a voicemail. After a minute or so, the voicemail sign appeared on my phone. I quickly picked up the phone and listened to the voice message. It was from my sister, Sam, and I could hear her crying; "Kate, this is Sam. I know you don't want to speak to me but unfortunately I have to call you to give you this bad news. We lost our mum last night and her funeral will be tomorrow at 4pm. Maybe you would like to be here for her last journey? Kate please come, I really need you!"

I felt speechless at what I heard. I held the phone in my hand for a moment and then hung up. I could feel the blood draining out of my face as shock hit me. I haven't seen my mother for over fifteen years; we haven't contacted each other since I left home. Now she had died but there was no sadness in me, no remorse!

The same day I took the first flight to London. When I arrived home there was a crowd of people in front of our house. Police officers were talking to Sam who was sobbing quietly with her arms round her; "Kate! You're here!" she called me and then introduced me to the police investigator who told me that ‘my mother was hit by a car while crossing the road last night.' I didn't know what to feel or how to react. I didn't cry at all and wasn't even as upset as I expected to be because we never got on well with her. She had always treated me like I was not part of her family. All her kind thoughts and loving touches were for Sam only. I knew, deep in my heart, that my mother didn't like me one little bit. She always made me do all the housework for her. My life as a child was a bit like the story of Cinderella which I watched with my father when I was a little girl. The only difference is, Cinderella had a step-mother and step-sisters and that was the reason why they were so horrible to her. ‘So what was the reason for my mother to treat me like this?' – I had asked this same question since I was a child but couldn't find the answer.

My father passed away when I was eighteen due to a heart attack. He is the only great memory I have from my childhood. My father had always showed his love and affection for me in the way he protected me throughout my life. When he died I felt lost and alone. I couldn't carry on living in the same house as my mother and sister so I got my self a job in Leeds, then moved out of the house. This decision obviously made my mother happy as she never wanted me around her anyway so I always wondered why she even gave