Don't Get Me Started on Spitting

Don’t get me started on ... Spitting.

Spitting.  What can I say? It’s the most disgusting habit I’ve ever had the misfortune to encounter.

Why oh why do people (particularly men) feel the need to gob their revolting globules of slimy phlegm at my feet. What do they want me to do say? ‘What a magnificent ball of slime – congratulations’ or ‘Thank you so much – I can add this to my collection of nauseating specimens.’

And not content with sickening me visually, they also insist on accompanying their gobbing with the most repellent sound I’ve ever had the misfortune to hear. It sounds as if they are gargling with a chainsaw. Not only do they happily pollute the streets with filth, they also want everyone in a five mile radius to hear their contribution too.

People who spit should be punished severely. I read on the internet (but it might be true) that a man in America once got life imprisonment for spitting at a Police Officer. I’m not advocating punishments quite that harsh but I do think at least a fine. Apparently in Manchester you can be fined £80 for spitting.  I imagine Devon County Council could make a tidy little sum if they took a walk down the high street one Friday night.

It’s not just because it’s disgusting that spitting should be banned. It’s also a health hazard. There are hundreds of germs in spit which can spread diseases from the common cold, to pneumonia and tuberculosis. By spitting in the street, these germs can get carried into people’s houses on their shoes and clothes so we can all share in the spitter’s lovely germs. Thanks for that!

But it’s not just the poorly who are spitting. Ironically it’s actually some of the healthiest people who are the worst spitting culprits sportsmen seem to be the worst at it.  Footballers in particular seem to treat spitting as part of their routine. Pass, dribble, gob a few balls of spit on the pitch, tackle, shoot. As role models for young people they really should know better. FIFA should fine anyone caught doing it on TV.

However it’s not just over-paid footballers who are guilty. Once I was running in 10km race. It was a beautiful summer’s evening;  gentle sunlight danced on the gently flowing river as dozens of cheerful, lithe, healthy runners took their places at the start. It was going to be a pleasant event, I foolishly thought.