The Fear of Loving Again

I move out of my parent’s house at age sixteen and in with my high school boyfriend. I grew up not knowing what love really was nor did I know how to love. I grew up in a split home where my stepfather and mother constantly argued. My high school boyfriend and I dated for three month and then I moved in with him. We where together for five and a half years we loved each other so much, but we still argued, and cheated on one another. Finley after five and a half years we both had enough and went our separate ways. I was so afraid I was destining to have a relationship like my parents. After my long-term relationship ended I would only have non-commitment relationships and when I felt they were getting to close to me I would end it.

After a year of leaving like this and getting pregnant with my daughter I decided to stay single. My daughter was a month old, when I went to visit a friend that I had not seen for a while when a guy named Dewayne, that I had meet in the past through my ex-boyfriend had also showed up. My friend informed me that he was also single but I was not interested. We all three started hanging out for a couple of weeks and spontaneously ended up in a relationship but I still had not introduced him to my daughter yet. Two months went by and I finely introduced Dewayne to my three month old baby girl and a month later we moved in together. I was sill very uneasy about being in a relationship and went over the same rules with Dewayne that I would go over with every new relationship that I enter. My rules for my relationships were do not fall in love with me and do not tell me you love me or else I would be gone the next day.

Learning how to love again is really hard when you have only loved one person and it didn’t work out. Dewayne and I lived together for a year we were very happy but we still had not uttered the words “I love you” yet. Not saying I love you was my rule. What women