Slowly Letting Go

Spring of 2010 wasn’t the usual spring that comes around every year. Normally I watch the trees start to bud; I hear the new born baby birds chirping for their mom to come back. I get to see all the new life starting in spring. But spring of 2010 I watched a life slip away right before my eyes. I was almost 16. My grandma’s house was my second home; her house even had a room especially meant for me and my toys. I grew up in that house, spending the night over the weekends when my parents had to work and waking up early the next morning to go to church. I watched my grandmother age just as she watched me grow up. For me, I always thought she would be there to see me get my first car and when I got married. Life comes and goes. It is short, and it is unexpected, and the best thing we can do with it is live it without regret. This chapter in my life brought me to a newer level of understanding. I learned to make the best of the little things. I came to realize that the most important thing is putting the ones you love before your own self, and I have developed a more positive outlook on life itself.

It was one day when I had lunch with her and her friends, I heard her say to her friend, “That’s my favorite granddaughter over there. She’s tall, isn’t she?” She looked in my direction. “She takes very good care of me.” Jokingly, she said to me and to her friend, “If I die now, I die happy.” At that I knew, whether she meant it in a joking manner or not, time was running out, so I put my heart and energy into laughing and chatting with her, spending and enjoying the little moments we had left together.

I can remember it like it was yesterday. I sat in the cold emergency room waiting for her to arrive in the ambulance. Once she arrived and they rushed her through the door, she reached for my mom. “Mary I am not ready to die. I don’t want to die. Don’t let me die.” This was her biggest fear. She was scared of leaving everyone behind. All of us grandchildren and great grandchildren had a different but very special relationship with her. Hours passed before was able to be put in a regular hospital room so she could have visitors. The first people to walk through the door were my aunt and uncle with their grandson Landon. Landon immediately runs to grandma. He is only 3. He reaches for her hand. “Taters mamaw Mentzel.” He made a fist to fist bump and she used all the energy she had to fist bump him back and make him smile and laugh. “Mamaw Mentzel do you have any mints?” When they were always together she had orange tic-tacs in her purse. He always called them mints. While he is running around making everyone laugh to lighten the mood her nurse came in to give her medication. “Open up your hand Sue and swallow it with water.” The nurse walks out once my grandma finishes taking her pills. Landon starts to follow her. “Is that all you’re going to do?”

It was after her open heart surgery