Satire Essay: Underage Alcohol Abuse

Hope Nguyen

Mr. Mauldin

Honors World Literature 10

5 March 2018

A MODEST PROPOSAL

For preventing our children from being

corrupted by the ruinous

effects of alcoholic beverages

When viewing posts that appear on my timeline from social media networks, shame washes over my body. More than half of the content contains high school students in possession of alcohol. This problem has existed for many generations -- and possibly more generations to come if we do not put a stop to it. Some people (mostly teenagers) may argue that underage drinking is “no big deal.” However, they are unaware that drunk teenagers do not only affect themselves. They affect multiple people like their parents, sober friends that take care of them, the strangers that they drunkenly pester in the streets, and so on.

According to statistics, almost half of American tenth grade high school students have consumed alcohol at least once. So, half of the people in this classroom might want to listen to what I am going to tell you. Drinking at a young age is proven to impair judgment. The judgment which is already impaired because teenagers decided to drink in the first place. Studies show that teenagers abuse alcohol to “feel mature.” Based on my own experiences, there are a lot of other steps that a person can take in order to “feel mature”; but I mean, everyone is different.

With that being said, I propose that, in order to decrease underage alcohol abuse, liquor store owners should be allowed to sell alcohol to minors (for the sake of making money); but, they must mix poison into the beverages for teenagers. It can be deadly or safe; the seller chooses. The type, however,